Today I was getting my haircut. Our family stylist (yes because my two oldest men have to go to a salon or else...) was sharing about the beginnings of her marriage. She was asking a lot of questions about if they were normal. Her questions led to me answering best I could with our one and only perspective. At one point I shared with her that a huge awesomeness in our marriage has been being around people that value their marriage and spouse. And say it out loud. I am encouraged when I hear one of my girlfriend's husbands publicly love on her in front of all of us. Or even better is when she is not around and he shared why he is still deeply in love with her. I am also thankful to know that if Heath and the guys are hanging out and the conversation turns to marriage, if Heath puts something on the table we are struggling with it isn't done in a nagging tear down brute way, but for the betterment of our marriage. And if he does step into tearing me down that the guys he surrounds himself with will hold him accountable.
It certainly wasn't always like this for us or many of the couples in our lives. Heath and I used to be so much more sarcastic than we are now. It is easy in this society to get caught up in the ole ball and chain or your life is over now that your married c.r.a.p. After 3 or 4 years of marriage we started to realize how over time this actually starts to wear and tear on the relationship: the tone, the personal jabs, making funs. This really had no advantage. None. Since we have made a commitment to build each other up vs. tear each other down (ok, I know, that was cheesy sounding) I find myself with my jaw dropped on the floor when I am certain settings and hear how awful some spouses talk about each other, their marriages or even to each other publicly.
I am going to publicly tell you about just one reason I fell in love with my husband all over again tonight:
Tonight was a normal evening at The Vosbergs. Dinner, playing outside, Survivor and Modern Family premiere. Normally the boys are in bed by 8, but tonight they were enjoying the animals on Survivor while making up their own challenges. Once the t.v. was off, I got a front row seat to VWF-Vosberg Wrestling Federation. It was Activator Boy (Brevin) and Ninja (Rowan) against DADDY! I watched for a half an hour as balls flew through the air, screams pierced my ears and eventually the boys got down to their undies. I watched while my husband loved our boys from his core. They laughed, roared and made noises I am convinced only boys can make. I couldn't stop smiling while watching them. If I said Heath was the BEST daddy ever, I feel like I would be knocking down a whole lotta awesome dads out there, but he is my boy's BEST daddy.
Here it is friends...why I fell in love with him all over again tonight: He makes quality time with the boys, not because he has to but because he wants to.
I encourage you to speak highly of your spouse and all they do in your marriage to rock it. If you can't find anything good to brag on about your spouse then I think it is time for a bigger conversation they may involve a bigger step like counseling. Also do a check of the people you are surrounding yourself with, what things do they say? If when you check these people stink like blue cheese then find other people or a marriage mentor couple. These people in our lives truly made me want to do better in this area and for that I am grateful.
2 comments:
Awesome Jill, thanks! Maybe I'll write a post like that too.
I love this post! It is so easy to get sucked in to all the negative things about our spouses. And yes, I have a friend that feeds the fire when I vent - probably not a good thing! I need to focus on the little things that my spouse does...like playing with the kids at bedtime and fixing my computer whenever it acts up.
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