I once had a woman of my mom's generation share with me on two occasions that friends were important to them before kids, but once the kids started getting older, schedules, busyness etc. this would all change. I knew in my situation she was right and wrong all at the same time.
How was she wrong? Well, we love our boys. A lot. Don't get me wrong, we prioritize their young boy needs appropriately. But it is also essential that we tend to our marriage, familyships and friendships as well. It is something that we are both passionate about not allowing the I am so busy all.the.time with this that and the other thing to become a way of life. Doing this that and the other thing is SO MUCH BETTER when you do it with friends.
I ask, if we allowed the boys and busyness to get in the way of tending to our friendships who would I text the important stuff like how I just went to the bathroom with R on my lap because he was SO fussy?
If we allowed friendships to go by the wayside who would we meet at 10:00 p.m on a Tuesday to eat waffle fries with?
If we allowed the boy's schedule to dictate all things in our life how would I get to play Skip-Bo...at Culvers...on a week-night?
Now I know at first glance these examples might seem silly. And they are.
Here is where she was right: Friendship and it changing with kids is right on. She is right, they do change. Because of the limited time from having kids, the time spent with these friends is definitely less frequent, but the time spent with them is so much more intentional. I firmly think that my friendships with most are deeper because of this intentionality that comes from having kids. While sharing waffle fries, hearts were poured out about loss. While playing Skip-Bo atCulvers dreams were shared. While texting about bathroom related items, laughing happened on a mundane day.
It makes me sad that my mom's generation (not necessarily my mom, but maybe a little) got caught up in such a cycle of for the kids, for the kids no matter the cost. My marriage. My family. My friends. I could not imagine going through life so isolated and without encouragement, laughter and support while raising my kids from these friends. I also think it is important for this to be modeled for our boys (even more so for them as growing little men), how to have strong, healthy and fun community.
Let's look at the ultimate model. Jesus had a lot of on his plate while here on earth (a bit more than mine) and yet he managed to have close friends. People he did life with. Prayed with. Cried with. Laughed with. It seems to be as I read through scripture that it was essential for him. And therefore it is essential for me too.
2 comments:
Beautifully said my friend! I love how you prioritize your friendships in your life and how that inspires me to do the same (or work on it anyway!). And I do love the tie in to Jesus because he really did prioritize his friends in his life and like you said, he had a tad bit more on his plate than you. But just a tad! :)
Fabulous post. Thank you ~Jessica
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