Swirly

Well here we are friends, well on our way to Christmas. I have to share that Brevin totally digs the gifts, lights and glitter of it all, but as we have been going through this season, he is the first to remind us about the reason for the season. I adore hearing about our Saviors birth in the words of a four year old. And Rowan has been signing up a storm. He serenades us daily with his own versions of Christmas music.

I have missed writing here. Things have been swirly lately. The moments are rich, but the days are slipping through my fingers at a rapid pace. I can't seem to gain much traction on anything, but just floating from one thing to the next. The swirl has also made it feel next to impossible to write down anything that would make sense.

I had a convicting moment last night reading here . My oh my. The paragraph that starts with Peace isn't about... was so true to how I have felt lately. But this creates conflict within me. I am not wired this way. I want all of my ducks in a row. Like yesterday. If you don't believe me, just ask my dear friend Chad that finds great delight in messing with my ducks all around my house.

My favorite part of this paragraph is how she defines what peace isn't. Such an important part of the definition process. When I am clinging to my neatly lined ducks, I find myself getting caught up more and more in the swirl. Swirling.

Brevin's inquiring heart. Mom, so how does God actually talk to us?

Rowan's word explosion. Peppers. Sunny. Costco.

Laughing with my brother while listening to the Chipmunks version of Christmas Shoes.

A car ride with friends to small group.

Everything comes into focus. In these dear moments peace washes over me. I pause and quickly look around for something to bottle it up and then just as fast as it comes. Poof it is gone. Chores. Errands. Laundry. Baths. It all beckons. I am back in the swirl.

Going forward I will strive to remember that peaceful moments actually come when my ducks are all astray. That when I am too focused on them being in a tidy little row or just like somebody else's tidy little row I truly am wasting time or not seeing moments I will never get back.