Books...my heart...revelations...

I know there are fancy websites that catalog the books I have read, want to read and my reviews. There are just some things that I feel take too much time to keep up on and these sites are one of them. So I thought I would share what I have been reading this summer. All of these books have been very timely with the season of life I have entered: job loss, being home with the boys, figuring out what God has next...

Changes That Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud

I have to be honest, this is the first Henry Cloud book I have made it through beginning to end. His books are intense. This book took me through a journey of processing things that have been on my mind regarding the past. My biggest take away from this book was the section on boundaries (which actually he later wrote a whole book on). I appreciated being reminded that I may have to make a choice regarding what is best for myself or my family and can't own how others might react to it. It doesn't mean I don't validate their feelings, but I can't feel responsible for them. Another valuable take away from this book was looking back on past jobs, relationships and situations and realizing how my destructive patterns very much contributed negatively. Some times it takes reflecting and looking back to move forward in a better way. Thank you God for your never ending grace was my constant prayer during this book.

The Me I Want To Be: Becoming God's Best Version Of You by John Ortberg

This book was recommended by several close people during my last months of employment at EBC. Unfortunately, I was running on fumes at the time and could barely keep up on anything. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. As I read through this book though I could see why so many that cared about me prompted me to read it. There were several illustrations that were so pertinent to my reality both professionally and personally. It was hard to not be shoulda, coulda, woulda...but as I kept reading, I knew that God's timing was perfect. I was supposed to read this book RIGHT NOW, after Changes That Heal and in a time that I actually had time to read, take notes, process.

As I would put this book down and lay my head down on my pillow I would lay there and thank God that he created little old me. He made little old me that is black and white, that likes things just so, that finds things to fix in most things put in front of me, that has passion, that is an extrovert, doesn't like conflict, but struggles with confrontation, that operates best with consistent communication, that gets excited about how God is working, that struggles with authority figures, that has a desire for relationships and for those relationships to be working harmoniously...He made me just the way he wanted me. Not the way any organization or supervisor wanted me to be. I didn't have to apologize anymore for who He made me to be. I need to focus on becoming the best version of who he created me to be. I need to surround myself with peeps that are willing to support me in the journey of becoming God's best version of me. While I am still hesitant, wounded, have apprehensions and know I have a lot to learn, I look forward to how God will use me in whatever he has next. And this is where God's perfect timing comes in, if I had read this months earlier, I am not sure I could have read it with the heart that God is who I ultimately answer to vs. a person in an office that in retrospect had little interest in helping keeping my heart and eyes focused on this.

The Land Between by Jeff Manion

This author recently spoke at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit. I got a heart wrenching text from Heath that said we MUST read this book. Right now. Whatever Jeff said that day (I wasn't there...boo) took up a place in my husband's heart. He quickly ordered the book. I am not quite done, but almost. I have one question: Jeff Manion, did you write this book specifically for us? Because it sure feels like it. In my opinion Jeff does a fabulous job of taking all that has been in my head, heart and prayers regarding the last few months put it into words and paralleled it with scripture in a way that I can't ignore.

I can definitely see that God has us right here struggling to make sense of things, questioning what is next, wondering how are we going to make it. He has us right here to grow us mostly in our relationship with Him. He has seen us running on fumes and being distant from him. While this time of uncertainty does suck much of the time, I do know one thing, I am learning a lot more about God's faithfulness, goodness and grace now than ever before. I equate this time of spiritual growth to middle school growing pains. It hurts. A lot. In my bones and my muscles. But I will come out on the other side stronger. Mainly in my faith and relationships. I know God has a magnificent plan, I can feel it stirring and have to just keep on my knees.

So that was my light reading of the Summer of 2010. HA! I am thankful for how God speaks to others and that they have a gift to write it down for some crazy state fair loving girl in MN to read.

I am also so thankful for my mom, our small group, friends and past (and present for Heath) co-workers that haven't shied away because this season has been uncomfortable. Thankful for the generosity of support. They have been able to handle the roller coaster of sucky days, processing and excitement we have been on while reading these books. I truly believe God has used this time to strengthen those relationships as well.